whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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