if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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