1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
its liver damage thursday
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
