I want to have your abortion
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
