finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
