Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
