I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
