My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everything about him screamed your future.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
