Screwed.edu
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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