You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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