My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize