i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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