You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
