I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
