the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
