your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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