even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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