But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
wow bdsm is so cute
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
