apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
