good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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