my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She bit a glass in half.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
