I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
