Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
