I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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