saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
