I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
