You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
