I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
