Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
