If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
