she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
