I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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