Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
