Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
