It's just like the Real World with babies
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
