I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize