then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
