i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
