thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
