I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
