I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
