omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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