i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
