I'm so fucking centered right now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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