i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
