all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
