Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
