I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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