Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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