There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
