am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize