Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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