They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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