Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
