Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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