dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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