3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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