GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
