maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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