As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
