Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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